Families, Fathers, Foundations
Today is November 11th. This date has very special meaning to me for three reasons:
It is my Dad’s birthday. He would have been 88 this year. We are coming up on the 5 year anniversary of his passing from this Earth into heaven. I think about him every day.
It is also the birthday of a very special person in my life. Shout out to Lisa.
It is Veteran’s Day or Armistice Day, marking the end of World War 1. World War 1 was called the “War to End All Wars.” How is that working out for us almost 110 years later?
But since it is my Dad’s birthday, I go back to thinking about how obviously important this man was, and still is, in my life. He was my second teacher. (Mom will always be the first.) He formed the foundation of who I am as a man from what he instilled in me as a child. These teachings were passed down to him by his mother and father, and all of the mothers and fathers before them.
Part of my Gotta Look Up mission is to also look inward at a deeper level. We can look up, look inward, and look higher.
Have you ever given much thought about what makes you who you are at your core? I’m not talking about molecules and DNA and all of that. We know that we are part of a lineage of various families over many centuries. What I’m referring to here is not the heredity of who we are, but the impact of the environment that built the foundation of who we are. When I look back at things that I remember from childhood, but didn’t fully understand the meaning, complexity and nuance of these things, I now begin to understand their importance. For me, several messages come to the forefront:
POP’S 10 COMMANDMENTS
My family on my father’s side lived on the East Coast, mostly in the Philadelphia area. It is a great city, especially for someone interested in history. In that area of the country, grandparents are commonly called Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop. In our case, my father’s father wanted to shorten that just to “Pop.”
I only saw Pop on four occasions that I can remember. Once, he surprised us by flying across the country to be with us on Christmas Eve. He was a funny man who I wish I had more time with, but his influence on me, through his strong, positive influence on my Dad, I continue to learn. He was a Protestant who married a Catholic, which was scandalous in the 1930’s in America. He was never fully accepted by many in his wife’s family because of this, but he was the one person who stood up and offered his home to his mother-in-law when she needed full-time care later in life. None of her other children stepped up. He did. My Dad told me this story and I wonder what other stories I know nothing about.
One of the things my Dad shared with me was a list of “Pop’s 10 Commandments” which, given the influence he had on my Dad can only mean that these are my Dad’s 10 Commandments as well:
Pop’s 10 Commandments:
Obey God’s 10 Commandments
Respect Everybody
Help Somebody
If You Can’t Say Good, Don’t Say Anything
The Youngest First
Make Sure Children Are Happy
Always Tell The Truth
Take Care Of Your Family
Thank God For What You Have
Always Stick Together
I continue to strive to keep all of these, but like God’s 10 Commandments, I sometimes fall short. But this list is not a request for perfect behavior, it is a guideline to return to when I come up short.
I SHALL LIVE ON…
Ever since I can remember, there was a plaque on the wall at our house that read as follows:
“Throw My Ashes To The Winds.
Let Not My Name Be Remembered.
For I Shall Live On, My Child, Through You.”
I am not sure where this came from. My grandfather may have written it himself. It is a very powerful verse. It shows the pride of fatherhood; the importance of lineage and legacy; and the honoring of children.
A LEGACY THAT MATTERS
“Let us so bear ourselves that if our family lives for a thousand years, men will still say, the Campbells were honorable people.”
For this one, I do know from where the inspiration came. It is derived from Winston Churchill’s “Finest Hour” speech touting the accomplishments of the vaunted few in the Royal Air Force during the Battle of Britain. A victory which changed the course of the world and was Hitler’s first defeat in World War 2. The message is simple. Focus on doing what is right and honorable and teach that to future generations of the family, so that people will remember our family as people you could trust and count on. I hear these words in my head many times.
Birkenhead First (Or The Birkenhead Drill)
This is something that my father and grandfather used to say a lot.
“Birkenhead first.”
The HMS Birkenhead was a British ship that sunk in 1845 and it was the first time the order “women and children first” was given. My entire life the notion of women and children first was repeated in various situations. It instilled in me to this day that you make sure that the needs of the women and children in your life take priority over, not your own needs, but personal wants. This especially pertains to the safety of the women and children in your life. And in the case of children, it is further extended to “youngest first.”
The message of “Birkenhead First” is something that has stuck with me. It is part of the reason, along with my Mom’s influence, that I tend to default to a chivalrous approach toward women, and why taking care of my children and the younger generations is also a priority.
All of these examples of foundations actually go toward character and integrity.
QUOTES:
“Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.”
Unknown
VETERAN’S DAY
Since Veteran’s Day or Armistice Day commemorates the end of World War 1, I would be remiss if I did not give a high-level mention of the cost of Word War 1.
World War 1 took place between 1914 and 1918. Over 65 million soldiers from 30 different countries took part in the fighting. 10 million of them would die. There were over 38 million casualties.
“In Flanders Fields” is a poem written by John McCrae that commemorates the soldiers who fought in the war.
From a quick Wikopedia search:
"In Flanders Fields" is a war poem written by Canadian physician Lieutenant-Colonel John McCrae during World War I. The poem was inspired by the funeral of a friend and fellow soldier, Lieutenant Alexis Helmer, who died in the Second Battle of Ypres. The poem describes the poppies growing in Flanders Fields, a common name for the World War I battlefields in Belgium and France. The poem is one of the most quoted from the war and was used in efforts to recruit soldiers and raise money selling war bonds.
IN FLANDERS FIELDS: by John McCrae
In Flanders fields, the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard among the guns below.
We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived. Felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
War is hell. It is beyond hell. You can see it firsthand now as that playing out now around the world. I believe the root causes of war are hate, elitism, envy, evil, and greed.
What is the answer? Love is the answer. Stop teaching children to hate! Stop hate in your own heart. Peace is the answer. Love is the answer. Forgiveness is the answer.
Quotes:
“I don’t care how dark it gets, love is and will always be my answer.”
Christopher Poindexter
“All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle.”
St. Francis of Assisi
Tom-isms:
“If you don’t evolve peacefully, you will get pulled violently.”
“We stand on a platform today built by the courage and sacrifice of our collective ancestry. None of them were perfect, and neither are we, but we can honor their sacrifice by doing better and treating each other with respect and dignity going forward.”
Let’s honor the sacrifices of those who came before us by creating a world based on peace, love, and mutual respect. Let’s get back to our positive foundations. Let’s all go out there and be candles. No darkness can extinguish that light.
I LOVE YOU!
Look Up! Look Around! Look Inward! What are some of your core values and where did they come from?