Quicksand
Quicksand. This word struck fear in me as a child.
I was first introduced to quicksand while watching the Tarzan television series starring Ron Ely. Quicksand was something to be feared because whenever someone falls into it, they invariably struggle, thrash about, and therefore sink and drown. Everyone, that is, except for Tarzan.
Because Tarzan had help. He would either call on a chimpanzee to throw him a rope or a convenient vine located nearby or call an elephant to come over and extend a trunk to pull him out. Or as my Dad used to tell me, “Don’t worry, the cameraman is there.”
As a kid, I was scared to death of quicksand. And of course, as kids, our imaginations ran wild and we would create games where the floor was either lava or quicksand. So, obviously we would use the furniture to avoid it and leave shoe prints on various cushions and throw pillows, much to my Mom’s delight.
As an adult, I would come to define quicksand as an emotional struggle, whether of my own doing, or brought into my life by others. You learn that various forms of quicksand become part of your daily life. A dead-end job can create quicksand. A bad boss can create quicksand. A bad relationship can create quicksand. Financial debt can create quicksand. Lack of purpose can create quicksand. A divorce almost always creates quicksand.
When people come to me for advice on how to deal with divorce, one of the first things that I tell them is to make sure to stay out of quicksand. It is critically important to recognize all forms of quicksand as soon as possible and stop thrashing about, so as not to sink. The best way out of quicksand is to remain calm and be logical and deliberate.
I’ve been to the abyss. I’ve been in the quicksand. When you’re in the middle of the quicksand, it is only human to want to lash out, seek revenge, win. But when you’re in quicksand, the only winning is to get out of it.
Again, when I advise people now whether they are going through a divorce or some other personal challenge, the first thing I make sure is that they are safe. The second is to tell them to get out of their quicksand. Negativity is quicksand. Focusing on revenge is quicksand. Bad relationships are quicksand. Loneliness is quicksand. Lies and deceit are quicksand. Find a way to get out of it!
So, how do you get out? I’m going to tell you what I did, and unlike Tarzan, I did it without a loin cloth, a chimpanzee, or an elephant. (Sorry for that visual!)
The best way out of quicksand is to find Trees of Joy.
What are Trees of Joy? The things that make you most happy at a core level.
For me, I looked back at the happiest time of my life, my childhood, and put together a list of the things that made me happy and brought me joy. My favorite things if you will! (Don’t worry, I won’t be singing the famous song from the Sound of Music movie, unless, like always, you get a lot of people to raise enough money for charity.)
To get started on a list of Trees of Joy, you can ask yourself these questions:
What do you love?
Who do you love?
Where do you find happiness?
Who are your “go to” people?
What do you believe spiritually?
For me, the answers to these questions were:
God
Family
Friends
Sports
Animals
Writing
Nature: Hikes; Beach
NOTE: A couple of key points to stress here.
While people can certainly be your “trees,” do not count on other people to be the ones who pull you out of your quicksand. Only you can do that! Maybe with their support and help, but you have to pull!
Make sure your “trees” are legal and do not involve drugs or other substances or behaviors that can get you into far worse and deeper quicksand.
Trees of Joy are more focused in the present. You use them to get out of the quicksand right now! While we may identify our Trees of Joy from our past, they are used in the present to pull us out of the quicksand. Once you’ve successfully used your Trees of Joy to get out of the quicksand, you can then look toward the future by finding Anchors of Hope that give you a renewed and powerful purpose and allow you to go back into the quicksand as needed and know that you can easily pull yourself out.
What are Anchors of Hope? Let’s first focus on what an anchor is and its purpose. An anchor is a symbol of hope. Anchors are used by ships to keep them from drifting off in the current.
According to symbolsarchive.com, the anchor is both a secular and Christian symbol of hope.
“The anchor symbolizes moving forward from a place or a certain period in life by embarking on a new journey the way a ship sets sail when its anchor is lifted from the water.
This symbol represents brave decisions and new adventures or new voyages – things we hope for and look forward to.
As a Christian symbol, the anchor does not only represent hope but strength as well because an anchor holds a ship in place as it braves the storm.
And since it also resembles the cross, the anchor was used to mark houses as safe for early Christians looking for a place of refuge, becoming a Christian symbol of safety and security.”
An Anchor of Hope can be anything in our life that grounds us in self-confidence, happiness, or security. Our anchors of hope give us the proper perspective when dealing with temporary negativity in our lives. The anchors can also allow us to venture back into the quicksand when needed, and to be able to pull ourselves out by the rope when we are done.
Anchors of Hope are keys to a better, happier future. They are goals, objectives, and dreams. Once you are out of the quicksand, you can then focus your attention and energy toward improving your life. Some of my Anchors of Hope are:
God & Spirituality
Family & Children
Nature
Friends
Purpose
Exercise & Physical Health
Mental Health
Better Career Path
Better Relationships
Self-Care
Truth
Personal Growth
Financial Health
Travel
These are my Anchors of Hope. Anchors of Hope represent positive change for your life, health and spirit. They give you the confidence to go back into the quicksand at any time and help others get out. After my divorce, I had to first get myself out of the quicksand. Then, I was able to go back into the quicksand to help my son get out. And then together, we went back in to help get my daughter out of the quicksand as well.
SOME QUOTES ON TREES; JOY; AND HOPE:
TREES:
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, the second best time is today.”
- Ancient Chinese Proverb
“There is nothing wrong with having a tree as a friend.”
- Bob Ross (Painter)
“Trees are poems that the earth writes upon the sky.”
- Kahlil Gibran
“Somewhere, there is a tree that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing along with you.”
- Unknown
JOY:
“Sometimes you have to let go of the picture of what you thought it would be like and learn to find joy in the story you are actually living.”
– Rachel Marie Martin
“Joy is the simplest form of gratitude.”
- Karl Barth (Theologian)
“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh
HOPE:
Hope is an anchor for the soul.”
– Hebrews 6:19
“Let us confidently hope that all will yet be well.”
- Abraham Lincoln
“Once you choose hope, anything is possible.”
- Christopher Reeve
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
- Desmond Tutu
“To live without hope is to cease to live.”
- Fyodor Dostoevsky
“Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh
“I like to envision the whole world as a jigsaw puzzle…If you look at the whole picture, it is overwhelming and terrifying, but if you work on your little part and know that people all over the world are working on their little bits, that’s what gives you hope.”
- Jane Goodall
(Tell the Jane Goodall story! Animal causes are a Tree of Joy!)
TOM-ISM
“Death is not the opposite of life, loneliness is.”
“A hand is always stronger when it holds another.
Arms are always stronger when they embrace.
Shoulders are always stronger when they carry a child.
A mind is always stronger when it thinks of others.
A heart is always stronger when it loves unconditionally.”
To close today’s podcast, please remember that the upcoming holiday season is a difficult time for people dealing with the quicksand of loneliness. Check on loved ones during this time. They may claim to be okay to put on a strong face, but many are really dealing with loneliness.
LOOK UP! Find your Trees Of Joy! Build your Anchors of Hope! Keep yourself and others out of the quicksand!
GOTTA LOOK UP!