Concentric Circles of Relationships

CONCENTRIC CIRCLES OF RELATIONSHIPS

I was pondering the breadth and depth of certain relationships in my life recently and tried to impose some logic on why certain people are always there for us while others seem to be happy with what I call a “drive by relationship.”  We all have them.  Those people we see once in a while and would like to spend more time with, but they just never seem to be available…unless they need or want something from you.  On the other side of the spectrum is what people refer to as their “ride or die” or “BFF” relationships.  This is usually a very close social circle of great and trusted friends.  Usually just a handful.  We also have those people in our lives that are very important, but live a distance away, so we don’t get to interact with them as much or invest time with them.  But the minute we are back together, it’s like time never passed because there is such a comfort level, trust and common bond that we pick up right where we left off.  

In looking at this concept of social circles I began to think more in depth about my personal relationships and how to define the concentric circles or spheres of relationships that we have in our lives.

As we may or may not remember from middle school or high school math, a concentric circle is defined as two or more circles with a common center.  Each concentric circle will have a different radius but the same center point which is also called a mid-point.  

Think of the slow-motion video of a ripple of water being generated after a single drop impacts a calm surface.  From the center of impact, waves radiate outward, ever growing, ever expanding, but the point of impact, the center, is still you.  

The first and most important relationship you need to invest in is the one with yourself.  The concentric circles of self are your soul, your heart, your mind, your body.  How we invest in taking care of these core components is the priority.  We cannot have concentric circles of relationships without first establishing and strengthening the center of every relationship which is ourselves!  

Like I said to open things up today, I have long believed that we go about our lives forming concentric circles of relationships.  We establish circles of relationships based on their importance and closeness to us.  Each of these concentric circles contains relationships with people based on their importance to our lives now and over time.  We then invest our limited time and resources appropriately to preserve the relationship, grow it, or let it go. Based on life stage and circumstances, we move people either closer to the center circle or move them to the outer edges of our relationship universe.  

After some consideration, I created the following list of circles or spheres.  I may decide to add more as time passes, but for now I think this is a pretty good list to start:

Center Point: You!  

• Your Soul

• Your Heart; Mind; and Physical Being

Circle One: Inner Circle

• Family

• Children

• Best Friends

Circle Two: Circle of Trust

• Extended Family

• Close Friends That Are Like Family

Circle Three: Familiar Acquaintances

• Co-workers

• Business Partners

• Neighbors

• Spiritual Leaders

Circle Four: Random Acquaintances

• People we’ve met and may continue to see or meet.

• The barista

• The bank teller

• The store clerk

Circle Five: People We Have Let Go, But May Let Back In

• People who were once an important part of our lives, but we’ve lost touch.

• Facebook Friends

• LinkedIn Business Connections

Circle Six: Targeted Strangers

• People we don’t know yet but would like to meet.

• Mentors

• Crushes who we haven’t approached yet

• Hiring Managers

Circle Seven: Strangers

• People we don’t know yet, but may come in contact with sometime in the future. 

Circle Seven: The Unwelcomed

• People we’ve met but don’t ever want to interact with again.

• People we never want to meet.

We tend to move people can move in and out of these spheres based on both an individual and mutual willingness to invest in the relationship.  For example, new acquaintances can move from Random to Close Friend to Inner Circle over time if our concentric circles match up with theirs and the relationship evolves in a mutually beneficial and positive way.

The beauty of our lives is that we get to determine who gets close to us and where they fit in the concentric circles or spheres of our life.  And while some may try to improve their position in our concentric sphere, we ultimately determine where they belong in our lives and what importance to give that relationship.

It is also important to remember that we cannot choose where we fit into anyone else’s concentric circles of relationships.  While we may want to have a closer relationship with someone we love, or with whom we would like to share more time, they have a say in it as well based on their life stage or situation, what is important to them, and where they prioritize their life and time investments.  

This shouldn’t be taken personally or as rejection necessarily, but just reality in terms of how people prioritize their lives and what time they are willing to make to invest in that relationship.  Everyone has life priorities and limited time!  This also doesn’t mean we should give up on improving our relationship with someone who is important to us.  We can still invite them to a closer circle, but we shouldn’t do so with any specific expectation, or do so in a way that is obsessive and unhealthy for both parties.  

So, think for a minute about your relationships?  How do you define your concentric circles?  Who falls into what sphere?  Is anyone in a specific circle that you would like to invite into a closer one?  Is there someone in a closer circle that should be let go?  It is an interesting way to look at things and can bring clarity to your life in terms of where you prioritize and invest your limited, precious resource of time.  

How does this apply to my Gotta Look Up mission?  Well, it’s an opportunity to get off your devices and invest some time with the important people in your concentric circles to strengthen those relationships.  Reach out and contact some friends that you haven’t engaged with in some time to plan to meet for coffee, a meal, or just get together to have some fun.

QUOTES ON RELATIONSHIPS AND CONCENTRIC CIRCLES

“Crocodiles are easy. 

They try to kill and eat you. 

People are harder.  

Sometimes they pretend to be your friend first.” 

 - Steve Irwin

“A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.”  

- Tim Cahill

“So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.”

• Helen Keller

“Of all the means which wisdom acquires to ensure happiness throughout the whole of life, by far the most important is friendship.”

• Epicurus

Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.

• Unknown

TOM-ISM

“It’s better to SHARE your life with someone, than to SPEND your life with someone.”

And, I know I used this before, but I can’t say it enough…

“The Internet can’t hug you back.”

Look Around!  Who’s important to you who you haven’t spoken too in a while?  Get off your devices and start working on expanding your concentric circles!

GOTTA LOOK UP!