LOVE – Part 2
Given that Valentine’s Day is this week, I decided to focus this week’s podcast on the topic of Love. It will be a recurring theme on this podcast as it is one of the pillars of my Gotta Look Up mission. I think we can all agree that we need more love in the world, so it is important to study Love in more detail.
In researching the topic of love, you will find a variety of opinions on how many types of love exist. Some say there are four types. Others say eight, and still others something in between. For the purposes of this podcast, I will introduce the seven types identified by the Ancient Greeks, give additional information on four of the types, and then focus on one love type in particular, Agape Love.
The Ancient Greeks identified eight types of love.
The web site, www.elizabethridder.com details seven of these eight types. She has decided to exclude “Mania” which borders on obsession and is unhealthy, so I am going to agree with her and leave that one out. As far as the remaining seven types, I will paraphrase them here:
EROS: Romantic, passionate love.
PHILIA: Affectionate, friendly love.
STORGE: Unconditional, familial love.
AGAPE: Selfless, universal love. An empathetic love for God, Nature and our fellow Men.
LUDUS: Playful, flirtatious love.
PRAGMA: Committed, long-lasting love.
PHILAUTIA: Self love.
And while I believe that Ludus, Pragma and Philautia all have an important stake in how we love each other and ourselves, I want to highlight the first 4 types of love on the Ancient Greeks’ list.
The website, www.paulechapman.com focuses on the first 4 types of love on the Ancient Greek’s list. While he puts them in a different order, he offers a nice way of simplifying them:
EROS:
Type of Love: Sexual Love
Kind of Love: Attraction
Says: “I want you.”
PHILIA:
Type of Love: Brotherly Love
Kind of Love: Affection
Says: “I like you.”
STORGE:
Type of Love: Family Love
Kind of Love: Affiliation
Says: “You are family.”
AGAPE:
Type of Love: Divine Love
Kind of Love: Attention
Says: “I commit to you.”
And the type of Love I want to focus on the most is Agape Love. I was introduced to Agape Love several years ago and try me best to approach the world based on its principals.
The essence of agape love is goodwill, benevolence, and willful delight in the object of love.
Agape love is described in the Bible in 1 Corinthians 13:4 – 7 which I believe I referred to in my first podcast on Love last year.
Love is patient and kind;
Love does not envy or boast,
It is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
It is not irritable or resentful;
It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Agape love is often considered the purest and deepest form of love.
It is said to be the form of love that God has for his children.
It is a self-less, unconditional love focused on providing compassion, support and joy to others. It is essentially “Loving for the sake of Love.” (Kind of a Tom-ism)
According to www.LifeAdvancer.com : Agape Love is different from Eros Love, which refers to sexual love, and Philia love, which refers to affectionate love because it is the deepest and purest form of love.
Agape Love can be felt between lovers, family members, and friends, making it a universal form of love.
It is the kind of love that does not respond to the value of its object as Agape Love asks nothing of the person who receives it.
How do you show Agape Love? What are its characteristics?
Self-Lessness: Freely and willingly support you partner, family, friends and loved ones. Give what is needed from you generously. Put other’s needs ahead of your own agenda.
Patience: Be patient with those you love. Give time and space. Understand that everyone is fighting their own battles. Give support and help where you can. Enjoy your time together.
Generosity: Give freely and willingly to others who need your time, attention, resources, and support.
Giving Without Expecting Anything in Return: Agape Love is unconditional love, but those who practice it will sometimes see it reciprocated from their agape partners.
Offer Forgiveness: A key element in Agape Love. Forgive your agape partners, but gently point out where they can improve.
Deliberate Acts of Kindness: Show empathy and consideration to others. Offer help to others. Small acts of kindness like opening doors or walking someone across the street.
Keep Promises & Honor Commitments: It is a sign of respect to others that you honor your word and promises. Do not give in to temptations or to the easy path.
Remember, agape love isn’t about perfection; it’s about genuine care, selflessness, and unwavering support for those you love. Practice it daily, and watch your relationships flourish. It’s an awareness to do your best to Love people the way that they need to be loved.
If you practice Agape Love, you will try to put the needs of others first and serve others selflessly. This doesn’t mean you should neglect your own needs or de-prioritize your importance in the relationship. It doesn’t mean that you need to say yes to everything. Healthy boundaries are still required. What it does mean is to have an awareness of the needs of others around you and the compassion to do what you can with what you have to help and support them.
Agape love is difficult. It takes strength. It takes faith. It takes a tremendous amount of self-love. Agape Love can empty you, so you need to know how to fill yourself back up.
Agape Love can also feel overwhelming to the recipient. They may not be used to being treated this way. It is important, as in all relationships, to have open and honest communication and to understand and respect boundaries when it comes to Love and how recipients wish to be loved. Again, the goal is to love someone the way they need and want to be loved. You can still love them the way you want to love them, but it has to be comfortable for them as well.
QUOTES ON LOVE
“What is love? The person you miss the most when everyone is around.”
Unknown
“Agape love is selfless love…the love God wants us to have isn’t just an emotion but a conscious act of the will – a deliberate decision on our part to put others ahead of ourselves. This is the kind of love God has for us.”
Billy Graham
Agape love says, ‘I love you because I choose to love you.” It loves without consideration of personal cost or reciprocation.
Unknown
“I don’t have time to worry about who doesn’t like me. I am too busy loving the people who love me.”
Unknown
“Unable are the Loved to die, For Love is immortality.”
Emily Dickinson
You look in the mirror and sometimes see a mess of a human being.
But you don’t see the lives you’ve touched, or the people you’ve saved.
You don’t see the love you’ve given freely, or the extraordinary memories you’ve made.
You are a book of beautiful moments and feelings.
– Word Porn
“When you love, you open your life to another. All your barriers are down. Your protective distances collapse. This person is given absolute permission to come into the deepest temple of your spirit. Your presence and life can become this person’s ground. It takes courage to let someone so close.
John O’Donohue
“In the evening of life, we will be judged on love alone.”
St. John of the Cross
“Love isn’t something we fall into; love is someone we become.”
Bob Goff (From “Everybody Always”)
So…Happy Valentine’s Day! But should we tell those we love that we love them every day?
It is at this time that I usually end with a Tom-ism and a call to action tied to the Gotta Look Up brand and mission. But this time, rather than inviting you to Look Up, I invite you to LOVE UP! Open your hearts! Ask that special person out! Get to know a friend on a deeper level. Reach out to that family member. Call someone who might be alone. Try your best to approach things with Agape Love. We can never get Agape Love perfect, but we can improve the world by attempting it and applying its principles!
Let me end by saying as I always do, “I Love You Guys!” and by sharing some of the greatest words ever spoken. Words of advice that we can all use every day. The 11th Commandment from Jesus Christ:
“Love one another as I have loved you.”