The Yellow Rose
Anyone who has experienced going through a divorce knows the negative impact that it has on the kids regardless of their age. The stability of their lives is uprooted, and they are forced to navigate between parents and extended families. It becomes extremely difficult for the kids when the parents and extended families cannot move forward amicably and feel like they need to give their opinions or even lie about the other parent.
Such is the background for this story. And while I won’t get into all the negative details, let’s just say that my kids were fed non-truths that had a negative impact on their relationship with me, especially my daughter. My daughter would not speak to me for about a year. The only way I got to see her during that time was to volunteer for lunch duty at her school. So I did. As much as I could. Slowly, but surely, she went from ignoring me, to waving to me, to coming into my line…especially when mashed potatoes were being served.
You see, when both kids were little, whenever we had mashed potatoes for dinner at home, but especially at Thanksgiving, I would form a volcano out of the mashed potatoes and make a well for the gravy, which was the lava of course.
Mashed potato volcanoes helped me get my daughter back. When she finally came into my line, I made her one, and got a smile. The next time mashed potatoes were being served, she came back to my line, and I made her another volcano. This time her friend asked for one too. And in future occasions when mashed potatoes were being served, more and more of her friends would ask for a volcano. And everyone who asked got one.
It was during this same year, that my daughter was applying to high schools. She had her heart set on a particular private Catholic high school that most of her closest friends were applying to as well. I was not involved in her original application process as she wasn’t speaking with me at that time. She did not get accepted. This was very upsetting to her as she watched her friends get accepted and attend while she went to a different school with her brother and no other familiar faces.
Sophomore year, she reapplied, this time with me support and involvement. The admissions office had some concerns about her math grades and whether she could keep up with the math work load at the school. I convinced them to not judge her by a piece of paper, but to actually talk to her. I got them to agree to meet with my daughter for a face-to-face interview, which they don’t normally do. This time she got in!
Now, the challenge was finding a way to pay for her tuition to attend a private high school while managing a divorce, mounting legal fees, and no agreement to assist financially from anyone else. She told me she could work off a portion of her tuition and she would do whatever it took to help so she could attend that school. I told her we would find a way, just the two of us, if necessary. My only requirements were that she worked hard, got good grades, and that she get involved at the school through sports, clubs, and social activities and not just go home after class. She kept up her end of that bargain, though I do believe that her way of working off her tuition by volunteering as a member of the sports medicine team was really more of a way to meet boys than anything else. She got amazing grades including straight A’s many times and made the Dean’s list. She joined the women’s diving team because it was one of two “no cut” sports and she didn’t want to do cross country running. She got involved in school volunteer work and social clubs. I did my part through financial gymnastics, well-timed commission checks, and by living off of either peanut butter sandwiches or bean burritos until the next paycheck hit. This high school experience transformed her into a confident young woman and was worth every penny of the money, the sacrifice, and the hard work that she and I put in as a team. Funny side note, she got fantastic grades in math. Her worst grades were in religion!
You might be asking, “Yeah, but what does this have to do with a yellow rose?” I’m getting to that! This particular school’s colors are black and gold. Unbeknownst to me, they give the graduating students a single yellow rose to give to their parents at the baccalaureate celebration the day before graduation. A baccalaureate service is sort of a farewell ceremony for senior students that are graduating high school or college. Given what I knew that she and I went through to get her to this point, I was not going to miss any of it and I was going to get the best seat in the house with the best view for both the baccalaureate and the graduation ceremony the next day. I got there an hour early and took a seat near the front on the aisle where I knew she would be walking, so I could see her come in. As people started filing into the event, I noticed some storm clouds starting to form.
The event starts and the kids process into their seats. I see my girl and we smile at each other as she walks past. Now a young woman, who many years earlier would not talk to me. It was a very emotional moment.
Fast forward through the baccalaureate where we get to the part where the celebrant announces that the seniors will now take a single yellow rose to give to their parents. Right after that announcement, her mom suddenly appears next to me. I point over to where our daughter is and say, “She’s over there looking for you.” Her mom leaves to go find her in order to get the rose while I stand there alone, thinking about what it took to get to this point, the sacrifices made that no one else knows about, including my daughter. I watch happy families and parents getting their roses from their kids. Then, something told me to turn around. When I do, I see my beautiful, smart, and talented girl hand her mom the rose. My daughter then turned and made her toward me with a big smile on her face…extending a second yellow rose out to me! Somehow, she was able to get a second one! Somehow, she made sure to honor me. It is, to this day, the most beautiful flower I have ever seen. I gave her a hug and held that rose tight in my hand as she went back to her seat.
At this time, those storm clouds I mentioned earlier erupted and rained down on the crowd, sending well-dressed parents and grandparents scurrying for cover. I just sat in my seat in the rain, clutching a yellow rose that meant so much to me, watching the kids delight in getting drenched, and sharing my own tears of joy with those in the heavens that were falling on all of us…as a double rainbow appeared in the distance.
LOOK UP! You never know how and when the Universe will conspire to honor your efforts!
LOOK AROUND! Who might be bringing you an unexpected “yellow rose?”
KEEP GOING! If you’re in a tough spot, things will get better.